Should you Invite Your EX to the Wedding?
Wait, hold up! What?
Yep, it’s a weird question…BUT totally valid with modern weddings!
You probably had the same reaction as everyone else reading that headline … but gosh darn, these are modern times!
…Okay, before I wear a bonnet & start re-enacting Gone With The Wind, let’s talk…
There was a time (pretty recently if you ask me) when the idea of your ex showing up at your wedding was unthinkable. It was the dramatic twist in your favourite TV show, or the storyline to a movie…not something that happened in real life.
…But in these days of conscious uncoupling & co-parenting it’s a question many couples have to consider as they mull over the guest list.
So why would couples consider it at all?
Good question! But there are a few surprising (but solid) reasons why it might actually be a good idea.
You’re still good friends
Yes, it can & does happen. Many couples manage to stay on good terms after a break-up. Some even say they get on better than ever! So, if you & your ex are still good friends, have a healthy relationship with boundaries & genuinely want each other to be happy, then there’s no reason to skip them on the guest list, just like your other close friends.
It might be good for your kids
Remarriage can be a difficult time for children. If your ex is the parent of your kids, it might mean a lot to the children to have their other parent there.
It can help to reassure them that your new partner is not going to replace their mum / dad.
Having said all that, be sensible about it; Don’t take my word as gospel. If your ex doesn’t provide a healthy environment for your kids, or if it’ll do more harm than good to have them there, then consider perhaps leaving them off the guest list for this event & discuss it with your fiancé.
When NOT to invite the ex
Hey, you don’t actually need a reason. If your ex (or anyone else) is hinting for an invite, just ignore it. It’s your wedding!
If you’re more comfortable in their absence, then there’s no need to justify your decision. Enjoying your big day shouldn’t be compromised.
Your partner isn’t comfortable
So, you’ve thought it over & you’re cool with your ex coming … but if it’s likely to make your fiancé feel uncomfortable or awkward, don’t push it. No matter how happy weddings are, they’re also often a great source of stress & tension, so try not to add to it for your partner.
Your partner’s ex is invited
Your partner might have very specific reasons for wanting to invite their ex (see all the reasons listed above). If you’re happy with that, then awesome!
But it doesn’t necessarily mean you should invite yours. Don’t feel pressured to do the same thing if you prefer not to.
…Of course, if they’re both still single, perhaps you could introduce them & you might end up getting an invite to their wedding.
You want to gloat about your new life without them
Of course, you wouldn’t do a thing like that!
Obviously, we’re talking about someone else.
…but just in case it’s crossed your mind, BEWARE!!
If you invite your ex just to show off, then all you’ll be thinking on YOUR wedding day (to your soulmate!!) is
“Is he/she looking at me?”
“Is everything going to plan, so it looks impressive to him/her?”
“I wonder if he’s jealous?”
…uh, no thanks! You want your thoughts to be 100% focused on saying your ‘I Do’s with your new husband / wife, & partying with the family & friends who love you.
The whole decision is a very individual & potentially contentious decision. Listen to your gut instinct, talk with your partner & choose the best option for YOU guys.
Peace, love & pineapples,